The first draft of anything is shit. – Ernest Hemingway
I recently turned 30. At this age, I imagined Jon Ham doing body shots off my ripped abs. Instead I am eating cheese in front of Project Runway, and counting the hours since my last cigarette. Jesus might not have exactly taken the wheel since we last spoke to each other, but I’ve been good. And by good, I mean fucking fantastic. Cheese is great.
My birthday marked three years of blogging. Since then, I’ve had four gravatars, two blog designs, and wrote thirty posts. I also I have five million WordPress drafts and a case of writer’s block. Every time I would pour myself a glass of wine, turn up the cheesy music, slip into something comfortable, light a scented candle and lie down to write my next post, I would feel the uncontrollable urge to check my fridge, visit Facebook to determine how much my friends have changed during the past five minutes, watch three episodes of Orange is the New Black or google my Chinese horoscope. Unlike most things, writing hasn’t come easy during the past year.
(I’m a fire tiger, by the way.)
I started this blog to find and develop my voice. Over the past few years, I unbuttoned and unzipped, unleashing my big fat personality. I wrote posts about my butt and octogenarian ogling and shitty reunions. I peed on WordPress’s doorstep and pressed my boobs against the windows. I put it all out there, and somewhere in the middle, I found my ‘voice’. But at times it felt like I tried to write for the sake of putting a post out there, instead of for the joy of writing. And although each like, comment and new follower delivers a rush as powerful as the sight of Jon Ham’s torso, writing itself gives me more pleasure than any like, comment or Jon himself ever could.
A blogger friend taught me the art of editing until the end product delivers the blow intended, of crafting a post until every word adds value. Valuable advice, but right now I’d much rather agonise over the last slice of camembert than an adverb. Because, writing.
I will still serving it to you straight up, even though some of you might prefer it weaker. That won’t change. What will change though, is this blog. So expect a new look, new words and the perspective of a woman, now 30, who finally knows everything.